Archive for year: 2017

You might have an Obsessive Christmas Decorating problem if;

Putting up Christmas lights makes you feel like a kid with a new Erector Set… your not going to stop until you have used every nut, bolt, and piece in the set.

You might have a problem if you blog about Christmas lights.

You might really have a problem if you have a You Tube channel dedicated to Christmas lights.

You might really, really have a problem if your Christmas light YouTube channel has 50,000 followers and they’re all trying to out do you.

You might have a problem if you give Christmas lights for presents. (if you like them then everybody should like them, is one 200 lights string for uncle Joe enough?)

You might really have a problem if you bring Christmas lights and ornaments to a party so they’ll have enough, and you come early to help decorate.

You might really, really have a problem if the best present you get for Christmas is a simple string of Christmas lights and you rush out into the yard to put them up. In your pajamas while it’s snowing and your barefoot.

You might have a problem if you have four displays featuring Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer.

You might really have a problem if in your front yard all six of your Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer noses blink in unison.

You might really, really have a problem if you have a display where Santa’s sleigh is pulled by nine Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeers.

Stray strong, write on. Professor Hyram Voltage

If you spend hours watching YouTube videos of Christmas displays.

If post hours YouTube videos of your Christmas display.

You have a real problem if you post a new video of your Christmas display very week because you keep changing and upgrading your display.

If you stopped buying extension cords by the case and started buying 250 foot rolls of lamp cord to make your own extension cords.

You have a real problem if you buy the rolls of wire by the case… of 1000 foot rolls.

If you start taking a welding class at the local Junior College so you can make your Christmas displays bigger than the store bought ones your neighbor has.

If you take your cone of lights tree display into the welding shop to have them made it taller or bigger, because when you tried to weld it up it fall apart that night.

You have a real problem if this is the third time you’ve taken the cone of lights tree in to the welding shop to have them make it bigger, this week.

You have a real bad problem if you’ve applied for a permit to fly drones, so you can have the drones take your Christmas lights up, higher- much higher.

Stay strong, write on. Professor Hyram Voltage

You might have a Obsessive Christmas Decorating problem if;

If you get into an argument about real versus artificial Christmas trees, and you own stock in a Christmas tree farm.

If you have a live Christmas tree growing in a container, in the living room, and a back up live Christmas tree growing in a container in the back yard.

If you have a live decorated Christmas tree in a container in the front yard as a back up to the tree in the back yard that’s a back up to the tree in the living room.

If you have three Christmas tree top ornaments and you can’t decide which one looks best, so every night you change the tree top ornament.

If you have five spare tree top ornaments.

If you have twelve tree top ornaments, one for each of the twelve days of Christmas. And that’s not counting the couple of spares you have hidden in the closet.

Stay strong, write on. Professor Hyram Voltage

You might have a Obsessive Christmas Decorating problem if;

If you get so busy putting up lights and displays that you forget to post an update on your Christmas decorating blog. The lights were giving me trouble last night.

If you petition the city for a zoning ordinance to allow you to install a bigger Christmas displays in your yard. Your friendly competition with your neighbor for who has the best Christmas display is getting serious.

If you have built a fence, a walls, or hung blackout curtains to keep the lights from your neighbor’s display from interfering with yours.

You have yanked down all your super bright LED Christmas lights and have an emergency order in to replace them with super, ultra bright LED Christmas lights.

If you hire someone to help put up Christmas lights and displays.

If you hire a bucket host to put up your Christmas decorations.

If you hire a 20 ton crane to put up your Christmas decorations.

If you have to hire an electrical contractor to up grade the electrical service and fuse box to your house from 100 amps to 500 amps so you can put up more lights.

You might really have a problem if you bought a 20 kilowatt generator so you can run more lights. (Hey, I disguised it as Santa’s sleigh).

Stay strong, write on. Professor Voltage

You might have a Obsessive Christmas Decorating problem if;

If the timer that turns on your Christmas lights has its own satellite dish so it can synchronized its time to three different GPS satellites. For a backup the timer has it own Internet connection to the Navy’s atomic clock in Washington DC.

If you duck tape an umbrella over your inflatable snowman in the front yard to keep the rain from shorting out the 350 extra Christmas lights you packed inside him.

If each family members gets their presents wrapped in their own color. Then you take off all the blue wrapping paper because it causes depression. Then you take off the green paper because the color is too light and it clashes with the Christmas tree. Then you take off all the red paper because people might think it’s naughty. Now you’re worried about all the presents being wrapped in yellow paper.

If you love fruit cake and think that anyone who doesn’t just doesn’t use enough bourbon, before, after, and on the fruit cake.

If fellow office workers threaten to do very un-Christmas like things to you if you play that Mannheim Steamroller CD once more.

If you rig a photo cell light beam so that anyone walking up to the front door will breaks the beam causing the wreath on the front door to light up. The lights on the wreath are so bright that they stunned the mail person and she fell backwards off the front porch.

(Sung to the tune of “Walking In A Winter Wonderland.)
All the lights they’re a blinking, all the decorations are a twinkling, we’re listening to the song as we’re walking along, marveling at the Christmas wonderland.

Stay strong, write on. Professor Hyram Voltage