Archive for category: Uncategorized

You might have a Obsessive Christmas Decorating problem if;

If the Santa and his sleigh display in your front yard has more than eight reindeer because you like making the reindeer decorations.

If the people at the Hallmark store know you by your first name, know what color you like, set aside ornaments for you and have a shopping cart for you with your name on it.

If you need sun glasses when you look at your Christmas tree and the light are not even on.

If there are so many ornaments on the Christmas tree that some keep falling off.

You might really have a problem if the tree collapses under the weight of all the ornaments.

If you have one Christmas tree for the living room and one for the den, and a small living tree in a pot on your desk at work.

You dig out the 50 year old set of stencils you used as a kid to put Christmas decorations on the window with Windex. But back then Windex came in a metal can and you can’t find anything like that in the store. So you try and make your own. Now the kitchen looks like a mad scientist lab.

Stay strong, write on. Professor Hyram Voltage

You might have a Obsessive Christmas Decorating problem if;

If you have a closet full of Christmas wrapping paper.

If the paper in your closet is paper that was taken off every present your family received for the last twenty years.

If some of that twenty year old paper has been used several times to warp different presents, and you don’t see anything wrong with doing that.

If you buy ribbon, to wrap your presents with, in bulk.

If bulk means the ribbon comes in lengths measuring a large fractions of a mile, or longer.

If the 2000 foot roll of red ribbon is almost empty.

If your hat has blinking Christmas lights on it.

If your shirt has blinking Christmas lights on it.

If you got a ticket because your car is covered with blinking Christmas lights.

If you have rigged the door bell to say HO, HO, HO when someone pushes it.

You don’t have a problem if you made a Christmas tree out of beer cans. You’re just a red neck. Tip, the tall silver cans work best.

Stay strong, write on. Professor Hyram Voltage

The twelve days of a Power Tools Christmas (nothing says Christmas like home made Christmas decorations and POWER TOOLS). You know the tune.

On the first day of Christmas I went and bought myself
a really big, humongous, table saw.

On the second day of Christmas I went and bought myself
2 nail guns,
and a really big, humongous, table saw.

On the third day of Christmas I went and bought myself
3 boxes of nails,
2 nail guns,
and a really big, humongous, table saw.

On the forth day of Christmas I went and bought myself
4 inflatable snowmen,
3 boxes of nails,
2 nail guns,
and a really big, humongous, table saw.

On the fifth day of Christmas I went and bought myself
5 gallons of paint,
4 inflatable snowmen,
3 boxes of nails,
2 nail guns,
and a really big, humongous, table saw.

On the sixth day of Christmas I went and bought myself
6 rolls of wrapping paper,
5 gallons of paint,
4 inflatable snowmen,
3 boxes of nails,
2 nail guns,
and a really big, humongous, table saw.

On the eight day of Christmas I went and bought myself
8 vampire plugs,
70 feet of garland,
6 rolls of wrapping paper,
5 gallons of paint,
4 inflatable snowmen,
3 boxes of nails,
2 nail guns,
and a really big, humongous, table saw.

On the ninth day of Christmas I went and bought myself
9 spot lights,
8 vampire plugs,
70 feet of garland,
6 rolls of wrapping paper,
5 gallons of paint,
4 inflatable snowmen,
3 boxes of nails,
2 nail guns,
and a really big, humongous, table saw.

On the tenth day of Christmas I went and bought myself
10 paint brushes,
9 spot lights,
8 vampire plugs,
70 feet of garland,
6 rolls of wrapping paper,
5 gallons of paint,
4 inflatable snowmen,
3 boxes of nails,
2 nail guns,
and a really big, humongous, table saw.

On the eleventh day of Christmas I went and bought myself
11 extension cords,
10 paint brushes,
9 spot lights,
8 vampire plugs,
70 feet of garland,
6 rolls of wrapping paper,
5 gallons of paint,
4 inflatable snowmen,
3 boxes of nails,
2 nail guns,
and a really big, humongous, table saw.

On the twelfth day of Christmas I went and bought myself
12 sheets of plywood,
11 extension cords,
10 paint brushes,
9 spot lights,
8 vampire plugs,
70 feet of garland,
6 rolls of wrapping paper,
5 gallons of paint,
4 inflatable snowmen,
3 boxes of nails,
2 nail guns,
and a really big, humongous, table saw.

You are a writer. I can say that till I’m blue in the face and you won’t believe me.

You want prof. You’ve been one since kindergarten, when they forced you to use a pencil the size of a blunt telephone pole to trace out the alphabet on a sheet of brown paper that had pieces of tree bark imbedded in it.

You are a writer if you write, once a day, once a week, whenever. No law says you have to write a certain amount by a certain time to be a writer.

You’re a creative writer when you fill out a tax form, an expensive form at work, a travel claim for a trip you took.

You’re an author when you get something published. It could be in a club newsletter, Your writer’s group blog, the local newspaper, in someones else’s blog, or even your own blog.

You’re an author if you write fan fiction and post it on the web. I don’t care what anyone says, you’re not only a writer, you’re an author.

You’ve make it as an author when you publish a book on Amazon. No one has to buy the book. You’re published, you’re an author.

You’ve made it as an author if someone writes fan fiction using your characters.

You’ve really made it as an author if someone writes slash fiction using your characters.

You’re better than average author if you get trolled for your writing.

You know you’re a real writer and author when you start your second book before you finish your first book, even after all the suffering, the giving up of watching TV, giving up time with family and friends, the hours of sitting by yourself writing. Writing is hard, writing the second book is incredibility hard, but you’re a real writer.

Don’t tell people; “I’m a writer.” That’s passive. Tell them; “I write Horror,” “I write Steampunk,” “I write Fan Fiction.” “I write the best story you’ll ever read.”

Stay strong, write on, and publish. Professor Hyram Voltage.

The first person you need to convince is you, yourself. And it’s real easy to convince yourself if you’re standing there holding a book, a book you wrote, in your hand.

Sunday I turned the last two chapters of book three to the critique group. A long road finished.

Now I have to start the edit cycle. This can take three times as long as writing the first good draft.

The current problem I’m having is finding Beta Readers. A couple of authors have told me to go to Good Reads for Beta Readers. I’m missing the details of how to do it. I’ve looked on the site for someone that is seeking Beta Readers and I would build my effort off what they have done, and I would Beta Read for them. I don’t want to get kicked off Good Reads for breaking the rules. I also want to look like I know what I’m doing.

Authors on YouTube make getting Beta Readers sound so easy.

Stay Strong, Write On                    Professor Hyram Voltage